Living a nightmare

Many people are living the dream. Why am I living a nightmare? My dreams are filled with future hopes, to be happy, healthy and successful. Happy is my success. Yet I feel like I have failed. I hate to feel like a failure, but I cannot seem to make myself successful. Where do I go from here? Why can I not find success in happiness? Why can I not be happy?

Some day, I will be happy. And that is all the success I desire. That is my dream, but I am stuck in a nightmare.

Depression, my friend

Depression, my friend, why are you so loyal?

I've yet to find a friend so dedicated as you.

Will you ever leave me alone?

Will you always be with me?

As hard as I've tried (and believe me, I've tried)

I cannot get you to go away.

Please, oh please, be an enemy.

Never come back, Depression, please.

Still stumbling

I cannot fix what I have done
I am unsure of what it is
I do not know why this is
Or why I am plagued with it


What shall I do the correct this?
Is it possible to regain myself?
Where do I go for help?


I am afraid of what I am becoming
I am nervous for what is yet to come
I do not know why this is
Or why I am plagued with it


Why I am aching so badly?
What can I say to correct my mistakes?
Where do I go for help?

A stumbling block

Well folks, I've hit a wall. I am very emotional right now and quite depressed. I have stayed up with my meds, exercising twice weekly but have just hit a rough patch. Suggestions would be wonderful and much appreciated! Ugh! I hate feeling so down like this when I know I can feel wonderful and happy.

I cannot see what is in front of me
I am afraid to look behind me
I am stuck in a space tightly squeezing
Unable to move or progress


I ache from the crunch of the tight, hurting space
I fear my demise through the thoughts in my head
I cannot go on, I am immobilized
By my fear, my depression, my internal voices

Good days ahead

Life has been busy, hasn't it? There is no stopping life as it comes. It can drag you down at times, but the trick is to always get right back up. Pick yourself, dust yourself off and keep going! Learn from your experiences and enjoy the ride! What have you got to lose?

There are good times ahead of us. Let us embrace them as they come.

A sunny day

Today is a beautiful day.  It has given me a reason just to smile!  The sun is out and the air is fresh.  Take some time for yourself and enjoy a little walk to fill your lungs with the wonderful summer air.  Enjoy the creations in nature and the beauty of simplicity.

The tricks of the disease

Depression is such a tease. Just when you think you have it all figured out, depression pulls a fast one!  Recently, I have been battling myself over medication, therapy and the like.  I never seem to win those fights.  I generally do not like the idea of traditional medicine, mostly because I need it.  Some of you may say, "It's all in your head."  "You don't need medication."  Well, I do.
Trust me.  Over the past few months, I have weened myself off my medications twice telling myself that I can handle it, that it's a learned behavior.  But every time I come crawling back to my pill bottle.  And I am much happier.
Today's advice: do not be ashamed that you take anti-depressants (if indeed you do).  It is not a weakness.
Think of it as a traditional disease or injury.  If you broke your arm, would go to the doctor so it could heal properly?  Yes.  If you had diabetes, would you take necessary measures to keep it under control?  Yes.  Then why not do the same with depression?  Take care of yourself even if it means taking medication and going to therapy.  You deserve to be taken care of and you are just the one to do it.

A long time coming

I am such a slacker!  I have been rather busy and honestly somewhat depressed.  I have recently started attending a therapy group and have been drudging up my past.  Digging that far down is causing mixed emotions that are uncomfortable to say the least.  I am working on bettering myself though and for that, I pat myself on the back.  A tip for today:

• Read a good book and escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life

Enjoy yourself and remember to stay positive!

Patients Like Me, new website

It's so sad that depression follows us wherever we go, isn't it?  The news, social and personal life, all of it can be so depressing sometimes.  We all need support to help us through the hardest of times.
I found a wonderful new website, Patientslikeme, where you can meet with people who have similar symptoms, diagnoses, etc.  There are forums, mood charts and the whole works when it comes things of support.  It's very helpful.
In the mean time, be sure and journal your feelings.  I found that keeping a grateful journal helps with my mood too.  Write down at least one thing you are grateful for daily and I think it will help. Until next time...

Fighting my own depression

So, the past few days have been a struggle for me.  I have been battling my own mind.  I have learned a lot about myself in just this short period of time. 

• I learned that only I can beat my depression.  Others can help, but ultimately, it's up to me to conquer the demons that take over my mind.
• I learned that I am really a jerk when I get depressed.  I am rude, selfish and an all-out meanie.  I do feel horrible for the way I treat others when I get depressed.
• I learned that I am unfair to myself.  I do not give myself the benefit of the doubt.  I beat myself up.

What can I do to change these things?

• Cry.  I have to let loose and let my tears fly.  It helps me release all those feelings.
• Write.  I write my feelings, save them or throw them away depending on how they make me feel when I read them.
• Let others help me.  I try and let others help me.  I feel better knowing there are people who care about me.  It helps me boost my self-esteem and in turn, theirs as well. 

Fighting depression

You can fight depression!  That's right!  You do not have to let it take over your life.  There are a few surefire ways to fight your depression and live a full and happy life.

1. Praise yourself.  Praise yourself for living another day.  There are so many wonderful things about you if you are willing to see them.  Depression is a selfish disease and it will overtake you if you let it.  Be sure to tell yourself how strong you are for living with depression.
2. Don't let depression define who you are.  Depression is not a characteristic of your personality nor a definition of who you are.  It is a wound, a disease.  If you had the flu or a broken leg, would you go around telling people that's who you are?  A flu?  A broken leg?  No way!  So why let depression define you?  Don't do it!  Depression is a symptom of life not a defining trait.
3. SMILE - Simply Make It (Life) Essential.  A smile is contagious.  Make sure you get to see yours at least once a day.

You don't have to be miserable

Guess what?!  You don't have to be miserable if you have depression!  This may sound like a new concept or maybe an impossible concept, but just try and believe it.  You can be happy and have depression.  How do I know?  I'm living it.
There have been times in my life when living was not the most desirable thing on my list of stuff to do, but I hung in there.  I have been absolutely miserable and I have been uncontrollably happy (don't confuse this with bipolar disorder ;D).  If I can do it, you can too.
I know I give similar tips post after post, but only because repetition works and you need to know these things.  You can be happy and miserable but not at the same time.  I don't want to focus on being miserable because that comes all too easily.  So let's talk about being happy.
Your depression may stem from genetics, tough economic times, terrible and traumatic life experiences and so one.  But where does your happiness stem from?  It stems from right inside you.  Only you, nobody or nothing else, can make you happy.  You are the only one in control of you.  Your circumstances may have been caused by something or someone else, but how you approach them is entirely up to you.  Try not to dwell on the negative.  This is really difficult to do.  Look for positive things in your situation.  You can't pay your bills right now, but you have food to eat.  You don't have a job, but you have family who is helping support you in your time of need.  Look for the good things in your life.  If you can't find any, make them up.  And make them come true for you. 
Fake it until you make it.  You're probably really good at masking your emotions.  Most depressed persons are.  Tell yourself that you are happy and do it everyday.  Tell yourself you are beautiful or handsome and do it everyday.  You will be begin to believe and eventually know it.
Remember, you can control your destiny, who you are and what you become.  Don't let yourself down.

Happy to be alive

Today, I am so happy to be alive!  And I am so happy have everything I do!  You see, I have a wonderful support network full of family and friends who care about me and I care about them.  It's awesome to know that I am loved.  Today, take some time to thank your support network.  And be sure to take time for yourself!

**Take a walk and enjoy the beautiful nature all around us.
**Read a good book that you haven't had time for.
**Watch a feel-good movie.
**Go on a picnic.

Enjoy your Saturday and be grateful for all you have.  It's a beautiful day.  Live it well!

Loving life

Loving life is so important to being happy.  How do you love life even when it's tough?  That is a task difficult to master but it can be done.
Remind yourself that your hardships are temporary.  They may be long, but they are temporary.  Smile at yourself and even at the irony of some of life's difficulties.  If you take time to do these things, your outlook on life will be more positive.  Be sure to use your resources such as friends or other outlets you have established like writing, reading or exercising.
One thing that is surefire is taking a walk.  Releasing endorphins as well as getting some fresh air in your lungs will help you think more clearly.  When you're thinking clearly, life doesn't seem so bad.  And if it does, there are always multiple resources to help you.
Smile, stay happy, enjoy life.

Living Happily

Living is hard to do sometimes.  I wish it were easier for me and I wish it were easier for everyone else too.  However, without the difficulties life throws at us, how could we ever be happy?  We couldn't enjoy the niceties of life if we have never experienced the difficulties as well.  So relish in your good times and be sure to remember your bad times in a positive light.  You can learn so much from them and those experiences will help you love a better, more fruitful life if you let them.
Stay positive.  Life can and will always get better.

Feeling down and getting back up

Going down is common in depression.  Getting back up is so difficult.  Here are a few tips to help you get up from that down feeling:

1. Write down your feelings.  Then throw them away or burn them
2. Find a trusted friend you can talk to (see my post about networks)
3. Take a walk or engage in a form exercise.  This will release endorphins and give you a natural high
4. Do something nice for yourself.  This doesn't mean go out and purchase the whole mall.  Something small will do.  If you can't afford to get yourself something, make something for yourself.  This could be as simple as a love note to yourself.  It could be elaborate as sewing a new pair of pajama pants (if you have material and thread, etc)
5. Take a nice, long and hot shower
6. Watch your favorite movie
7. Cuddle with your significant other.  If you don't have a significant other (and this is what is bringing you down), cuddle with a pet or stuffed animal.  The beauty of inanimate objects is that they can't hurt your feelings

Don't let things get you down, but if they do, remember there are a plethora of things to do to get back to your happy place!

Today's Tip

Take time for yourself today. It may be just 5 minutes you take to regain your thoughts.  Whatever you do, make sure it's all about YOU!  Take time to write yourself a nice little note about something good you've done.  Praise yourself for even the smallest thing.  You are worth it!  And make sure you know it!
One of the most difficult and most common parts of depression is low self-esteem.  Depression will drag you down to the depths of the unknown and then where do you go from there?  You go farther down.  And it is so hard to get back out and into a self-loving state of mind.  So, for yourself, praise yourself.  You can praise yourself for something as small as waking up on time, making the bed, whatever.  These small steps are actually big in getting you to a happy place.  Congratulate yourself for living, for existing.  You are important and the world deserves you.

The need for a network

I'm not talking about like for a computer.  I'm talking about people!  Having a support network is essential to staying happy and healthy.  Keep people in your support network who you trust.  This could be a therapist, family friend, chat room or IM buddy, anyone.

It's one thing to have it but it's another to utilize it!  You must always utilize your network of people!  If you don't, your network will disintegrate.  This is not good.  Be sure people in your network know they are in your network so they know how to help you.  Be sure you have a lot of resource (people) in your network as well.  If someone isn't around or can't help with a certain issue, there should be someone else you can trust who can help.

Creating and maintaining a network is vital to maintaining optimal mental health.  It can take care of you and help you through situations you otherwise could not conquer on your own.

The beauty of a mind

The mind is a beautiful thing.  What you can do with it is amazing and what it can do to you is equally amazing, and sometimes horrifying.  Here are a few pointers to keep your mind "working for you" in a positive way.

• Tell yourself how wonderful you are.  You don't have to believe it to say it.  I promise, though, you will KNOW it in a short while.
• Believe in yourself even when it's hard to do.  This ties in to the tip above.  It works!
• Remember that tomorrow is a new day and offers a new start.  Today will be over, and when it is, you have tomorrow's freshness to look forward to!

These are only a few things to keep you ticking.  If you have ideas or comments, I encourage you to leave comments.  The more, the better!

New Name, New Face, Same Stuff

I have officially changed my blog!  The new face and name should not deter you.  I will continue to discuss depression in general and help where needed.  Soon, I will be adding a chat room as well.  I encourage comments and lots of them!  I want your feedback!  This blog is meant to be a help-all and a refuge for anyone who needs it.  Thank you!